I’m Back!

I know I abandoned this space for almost a year simply because I ran out of space on WordPress. Marc, my brother-in-law, graciously worked (and spent a whole day) on transferring my blog from WordPress for which I am very grateful. Thank you, Marc!

My father would have turned 86 today, 17th of April 2019, and these are two of my favourite photos of him as a young man. I say ‘young’ yet I always say that he died ‘quite young’, only 51 years old. To this day it’s still hard to conjure fond memories of him, of the past when the grief still seems raw and the sense of loss profound. If he’s still around and I could buy him a gift today, I think it would be something that would express everything I have felt over the years as his daughter: love, thankfulness, respect, pride, and appreciation. And so I ask myself, “how does one find a gift that expresses these things?” I don’t think such a gift exists in the material realm. I do wish my father is still around, and wish him a ‘Happy Birthday’ and I could tell him everyday how much I love him. Such things can be done effortlessly and mean more than any amount of money. As I ponder on losing my father at such a young age (as the youngest in the family I don’t have as much memory of him compared to my siblings), these are the things that I believe linger in my mind and heart, making me smile in remembrance and love, more so on occasions like this.

Around the time of my father’s illness, I started asking some very deep questions about life, but never talked about it to anyone. After the doctors told my mother that they couldn’t do anything more for my father, he was brought home to make him more comfortable after several months of hospital confinement in Manila. Providentially my dad’s illness, and death prompted me to search for the true meaning of life. I first heard the gospel through a home bible study with both of my parents still around, but my dad was practically on his deathbed. Though he was weak, I clearly recall him being able to walk on his own, and quite lucid. He could sit down for an hour or two and join in the bible study. I was quite young to understand everything that went on, but my older brother who’s already a Christian at the time, is convinced that dad was saved, and went home to be with the Lord as one of His children.

In my case, the search for life’s meaning went on; while other young kids of my age resorted to drugs, or alcohol, or some other vices just to fulfil their deepest longing, I went into reading self-help books and studying the bible. And the Lord has graciously saved me one day, while on my knees praying at my dormitory. No one has asked me to repeat a prayer or do something to be saved. He providentially arranged it all; worked through my roommate, Jen, to bring me closer to the Saviour.

I always say to the young people at our church to seek the Lord; not to be too focused on their future career and whatever worldly pursuits they may have. And not to take things for granted and think they’re too young and have all the time in world to seek God later on. We never know what tomorrow brings. Seek God while he may be found. (Isaiah 55:6)

Here’s an old post, one of my best memories about my father.

From Ten to Twenty Eight

Last week I was reading through the sixth book of The Old Testament, and was struck with chapter 4, Joshua’s account when God prescribed the elders of Israel to take twelve stones out of the midst of Jordan, so that when their children ask their fathers in time to come what these stones mean, the elders might reminisce on the faithfulness of the Lord bringing them safely across the river. I wondered how many times did the elders have to explain to their children the meaning of these stones. Or what about Rebekah? I have often wondered what evocative thoughts came flooding into her mind every time she drew water from a well after she met Abraham’s servant. Did Rebekah rejoice at the remembrance of that occasion which ultimately led to her marriage with Isaac? Or what about Moses? After God appeared to him at the burning bush that wasn’t consumed, did this great prophet pause with joyful memories every time he saw a similar bush? Or, what about Peter? Would this impulsive apostle remembered his denial of Christ afresh every time he heard a cock crow throughout the rest of his life? Did he break down in tears on each of these successive occasions? Or, what about Paul? Having persecuted the church of God prior to his conversion, what type of emotions stirred in his soul as a servant of Christ whenever he looked at the marks of the Lord Jesus he bore in his body? Were these scars in his own flesh a reminder of the scars he was responsible for inflicting upon many believers? Continue reading “From Ten to Twenty Eight”

Thoughts on New Year's Day

As the year draws to a close it seems natural, at least for myself, to reflect on the year that has been and look ahead to the one to come. I’ve been thinking about what I want to hold on to and what I need to let go of — whether beliefs, or habits, or hobbies, or dreams. I realised a necessary pruning is in order, not just of the mind but also of the heart.  Continue reading “Thoughts on New Year's Day”

A Time of Grief and Joy

That’s the shadow of the tree next to my mother’s headstone. Took that picture on the fifth anniversary of her ‘homegoing’, and I thought I was fine when I visited her at the cemetery. But I blubbered all the way home. And I remember I took a walk in the woods (my brother and his family live in a neighbourhood with loads of beautiful old trees surrounding a golf course), to pull myself together before heading back for lunch with my family. That was five years ago.  Continue reading “A Time of Grief and Joy”

Reflections on Death and Dying

I lost my father on the 1st of November 1984. There are times when the grief is still fresh, but not as sharp as the pain of losing my mother when she died on the 15th of November 2009. I wanted to share with you what I’ve written on my diary on the 15th of January 2010, a couple of months after my mom passed on.

Continue reading “Reflections on Death and Dying”